Monday 9 July 2012
the mind
I'm not sure what would be suitable for a title but whatever. It's a free post so I'll just puke my thoughts out, ok? Ok.
This is pretty interesting. I used to watch this show a lot when I was back at home and had nothing to do after I did my foundation in Cambridge. It's called Obsessed. Before I discovered this show, I had a stereotypical idea of what a person with OCD would be like... but when I started watching this show, I was like..... completely mind-blown as to all the different things people would be OCD about. I mean, it's not just being clean and having hand-sanitizer and yada yada yada.
This is serious stuff. And I could relate to some of them and I'm there thinking.. Oh my god, do I have a problem? Heheh heheh. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. We'll never know... because I don't think I can afford a psychiatrist. Bahahaha.
Anyway, seriously though, doesn't it make you think though? (Oh wow I said though twice in the same sentence) How do we know we're normal? And how do we know that the girl in the video isn't normal? What if that's normal and we're not? Thank you, society, for constantly having to label everything...... Heheheh ok no but uhh. I don't think I'm normal. I have a very very short attention-span and you have probably noticed because of the way I blog. Um, so what I'm saying is... I probably have ADD/ADHD. I have almost all the symptoms:
- Fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork
- Has difficulty keeping attention during tasks or play
- Does not seem to listen when spoken to directly
- Does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace
- Has difficulty organizing tasks and activities
- Avoids or dislikes tasks that require sustained mental effort (such as schoolwork)
- Often loses toys, assignments, pencils, books, or tools needed for tasks or activities
- Is easily distracted
- Is often forgetful in daily activities
Yeah, it's like there's meant to be a picture of me next to all of that. Seriously.... Let's try it...
- Fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork
- Has difficulty keeping attention during tasks or play
- Does not seem to listen when spoken to directly
- Does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace
- Has difficulty organizing tasks and activities
- Avoids or dislikes tasks that require sustained mental effort (such as schoolwork)
- Often loses toys, assignments, pencils, books, or tools needed for tasks or activities
- Is easily distracted
- Is often forgetful in daily activities
Yeah....they work pretty well together, it's like it's meant to be. That's a picture of me like 3 years ago when I looked decent and stuff. Bwahahhahaa the schoolgirl days. Those days are long gone. I got kicked out of that prestigious school though because I failed my Biology, which was a subject I thought I loved but I... was wrong. They kicked out quite a few students and it was the first time they did it because they had so many applicants for the next year and had to let go of some of us. It was a sad time... But whatever, if it wasn't for this incident, I wouldn't have gone to the UK for a year to do my foundation. So thank you, international school that must not be named, for 'letting go' of me.
Oops. Distracted again. Um anyway. I have ADHD. I never realized it until probably last year or the year before that when people started pointing out how I'm so easily distracted.
Ok, so two days ago, I was watching this movie called um... No Strings Attached, I think? The one with Ashton Kutcher in it. And there was this scene where there was a familiar song playing, and I was dying trying to figure out what song it was and so I paused the movie, I googled the lyrics and I found the song and it was Save Tonight by Eagle Eye Cherry and I started googling the chords and I started singing... And after that I watched some other peoples' covers of the song on YouTube, and then for some reason I end up on Facebook. And I'm like... what am I doing...... And then I go back to the movie. Hahahhaha it's so stupid. It may sound normal (does it?) but it happens a lot everyday when I'm doing different things.
I had to get that story out before I forgot to blog about it.
Anyway, I was never sure why I'm like.... the person I am today. I never really finish what I do. I mean, I always start out very concentrated and like, fully determined being all over-achiever and stuff and then halfway I'm like mehh, I can't do this, who would do this? and I just do whatever's left with almost only 2% of the determination I had to begin with. I thought it was just laziness.
Another thing is I almost never remember what I did earlier on and I don't like to think about how much work needs to be done because I have to organize it in my head and it drives me crazy but eventually I do it, I write them all down and paste them on my wall. And I always overdo it because in my head, I need to do 29303801801 things when actually there's only 4 things to do, but I would never see it that way. Things are not simple to me. I really don't know why. That's probably why I didn't know how to make just 3 scenes for my Alice In Wonderland story.
I know I began with an OCD video and suddenly started talking about ADD.... but I... don't know haha. But I would like to talk about my cleanliness/organize-ey OCD. I am so OCD that everything is always messy. That is because I always want to be so organized that I get so unorganized. I don't know how to explain it. It's like. I wanna be so organized but I tend to give up and just be unorganized because my idea of being organized is too crazy and just impossible to do so I just abandon the plan and end up making a mess and cleaning it a few days later.
Also, my OCD tends to kick in a week before I.... uh... surf the crimson wave, as in... that time of the month... the red flag. Yeah you get it. Haha not sure why but it's pretty interesting. And it runs in my family. A lot of my cousins do it, apparently.
I am also a hoarder! Wow, I'm starting to think that this post is kind of about me. Don't you?
I don't like to throw things away. Well... except for food and you know stuff that decay. But like, water bottles and boxes... I would keep them and it kind of freaks me out sometimes cos I'm like I.need.to.keep.this but at the same time I'm like why the heck do I even want to keep a stupid water bottle?! And then I end up keeping it..... I really don't know why. I keep a lot of things and it's always because of this one thought....
"I might need this one day"
And the stupid thing is that I know I have this problem, but I can't kick it out of my system. Maybe because I secretly like being a hoarder? Ugh, I'm a psycho.
Labels: creativethinking